Facing Hard Truths

The truth is hard to face when you're standing in the mirror gazing at it. For me, it was even harder to face when it began to gaze back at me. I had been facing somethings in my life that I couldn't handle. I began participating in negative behaviors that were unacceptable but I justified my response to my actions because of what I had been through. My way of coping with the harshness of the reality that had been laid before me was to try and avoid all hurt, pain, loss and guilt at all costs. I would avoid the fact that I wasn't doing my school work. I would ignore the fact that I was being used, because I wanted a man's love. I didn't know what it felt like. And then I knew. At one stage in my life I even tried to ignore the fact that my belly started to grow and my hips started to spread a little wider.
If I could ignore it, it didn't exist to me. I would ignore people who I didn't like. I would avoid people who I did like for fear that they might ask me how everything was doing. I didn't like to lie. But that's what solidified the sediment. The lies. The avoidance.